Babe Magnet
I apologize for every post beginning on this note, kind of like those pre set intros your cell offers as appropriate and apparently popular text messages like "I love you," "Sorry I'm in a meeting," or "Fuck off and give me back my sweater with the blue and yellow stripes, yeah, I think I saw it underneath your bed you dumb whore," but the other day at work...
...I was watching two friends trying to decide what to get. They were probably in their early thirties, laughing and talking to each other, and I read what was written on one of the guys shirts.
"Don't Make Me Laugh --
I'll Fart."
It brought about a certain air of nostalgia, like I was back in grade six when wearing t-shirts that said things like "The man" (with an arrow pointing up) and then "The Legend" (with an arrow pointing down) was soooo cool. But hey, I mean, who am I to discount the act of wearing obnoxious t-shirts to 12 year old boys as if it's annoying and way over done. There are plenty of people, adults even, who love to wear t-shirts with messages intended to be read. Like Paris Hilton for example, that girl loves a dumb shallow slogan like "Your boyfriend things I'm hot" written across her chest, and hell she's being honest. Maybe it's because her "Legend" (arrow pointing down) is so undeniably legendary! Atleast for the little boys the comedy was in the irony...
Rantings aside, in the midst of being apathetic and self loathing at work, I decided to comment on the guys shirt.
"Your shirt is so charming," I said in a flat tone with eyes that conveyed a certain sense of amusement.
He and his friend laughed simultaneously, and then the friend gave the guy a good couple pats on the back. My shift was far from being over, and the desire to provoke some unsuspecting, seemingly innocent man was far too tempting to ignore.
"You must get a lot of ladies in that shirt eh?"
And with that I got the workplace laughing, the fellow employees, the people being served beside him, and even the old woman selling pottery that no one buys. I guess I'm a bit of a vulture, but hey, he had neither irony nor an internet sex tape going for him.
For some strange reason the guy bought nothing, walked away, and probably said something like,
"Dude, you see that girl? She was all over me, man this shirt works EVERY time!"
posted by lowercasecarmen at 12:42 PM
7 Comments:
Mabie his shirt is truthfull and he has some bizzare medical condition?
...mabie not.
I am definitely getting one of those shirts.
Plus I'm going to fart a lot more at work and on public transit.
asenceoncecommon, I believe the word you're looking for is "maybe."
this guy on trading spaces had a shirt that had a happy face and said 'i am no longer a danger to society'. i know you are knocking slogan t-shirts. but i loved that one.
great post.
Slogan t-shirts were funny if it only happened once in a whole. Of course overload killed it.
But I did have one killer slogan t-shirt that reads:
"My new fighting technique is unstoppable"
back on the donkey (as you put it)
I recognize where you are. That's main street, like 5 blocks from my house.
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